Public Speaking and I are not always friends.
Recently I tried to explain what a (somewhat complex) quote meant to me in front of a larger amount of people and I’m not sure I explained myself very well. Because I'm secretly terrified of speaking in front of a lot of people. My concern is that people misunderstood my message, thinking I was saying: “God’s presence is not always available to you”, when what I was truly trying to say was “God will never force you to abide in His presence, He always lets you choose.”
Anyone that teaches in any capacity, as a parent, teacher, or even supervisor or manager at work, understands that in order for someone to truly learn what they are being taught, there is a process that includes letting them act for themselves. A Doctor will not always have his professors or mentors, or those he shadows with them every step of the way. At various points in his educational journey she has to take the knowledge she has gained and make decisions alone. Sadly, sometimes mistakes occur, but if they have truly learned for themselves they will have BECOME a doctor and the mistakes will be fewer than if they had not learned for themselves.
You have probably picked up on my point by now, but ultimately: God will teach us, then let us apply His teachings on our own. He will not give us every answer we are seeking every time because I believe he wants us to LEARN to BECOME like Him. The reward for following God’s teachings and commandments do NOT include a perfect life with no trials or sorrows. Sometimes we mistakenly believe that because we are not receiving the blessings we desire when we desire them God must not exist, or God must be punishing me, or a slew of other thoughts. Honestly—I don’t know why we don’t always get the blessings we want when we want them especially when we’re doing everything asked of us and rightly deserve them. But I do know, that it’s in these moments that we have our greatest opportunity for growth.
I also know that when it SEEMS as though God is not present, it’s possible that he (like a loving parent with their young child) is a step ahead of us encouraging us to take just two more steps into His arms. He is teaching us to walk. We were never meant to crawl, but to walk and run, to work and play, for He has said that “men are that they might have joy.” I believe that it is possible to have joy even though we are, well, having a hard time.
I believe that God is always there for us, his hand always reaching out ready to take our own. At times he will come to our aid, but—since he is the ultimate teacher—he knows that he has to let US reach back and take his hand.
As C.S. Lewis wrote:
"He (God) cannot ‘tempt’ to virtue as we (Satan’s demons) do to vice. He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles. Do not be deceived Wormwood (Satan's demon in Training). Our cause (Satan’s cause) is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy’s (God's) will, looks around upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.”
To anyone who reads this and still has questions, so do I. I don’t completely understand everything, and my expression of my thoughts is still not perfect. But I have chosen my path, and must let those around me do the same. We can always help those around us, and can discuss and share thoughts, opinions, and ideas, but in the end only the individual can choose which path they will take.
Earlier I watched the following video, by a man I have a lot of respect for, that explains Agency (our will to choose for ourselves) a little more, and how important it is in our spiritual growth. It helped me to understand why, that although I have little desire to, I have to take steps into the unknown.
